1620 to 1992: Long Ago But Not So Far Away

TO: Massasoit, Chief, Wampanoag tribe 
FROM: Squanto 
RE: Immigration interview report 
26 DEC 1620

One hundred so-called boat people filing claims for political asylum were interviewed. The vast majority of these claims are nonsensical. None could show a justifiable, immediate fear for their lives if they returned to Holland and/or that they had held a sensitive position in a persecuted political or religious organization. In fact, several admitted that they had only several years earlier voluntarily relocated to Holland specifically because it was an open society that would tolerate their sect (“the Separatists”). The obvious contradictions in their stories suggest that these are not bona fide political refugees but rather economic refugees, merely out to better their lives.

Their claim to permanent residency status based on special skills or professional training is likewise unsubstantiated. Most lack even the most basic job skills, as the earlier waves of boat people who were admitted to Jamestown has unfortunately demonstrated. Most of those immigrants were listed on the ship’s manifest as “Gentleman,” which they themselves define as "whosoever can live without manual labor.” They are lazy, prone to acts of violence, and unable or unwilling to become productive members of society. Established residents of the area complain of a rash of petty thefts and being accosted by immigrants begging for food. Even when faced without outright starvation – and more than two-thirds have already starved to death – they are unwilling to find gainful employment. In one well-documented incident, the residents chopped down their own houses for firewood. It is perhaps relevant that several prominent authorities in England have explicitly encouraged emigration to America as a way to rid their country of “idle and worthless” persons.

The conditions aboard these boats are horrendous. Interviewees report that five persons in fact died in transit. Smallpox, scurvy, and typhus are rampant aboard these crowded ships, which allot a space of only 7 feet by 2 ½ feet, below decks, for each passenger. More than 150 boat people died of disease on one ship that arrived in Virginia two years ago. The ships are also in poor physical condition. Interviewees reported that a second boat, the Speedwell, was forced to turn back twice because of leaks and eventually abandoned the voyage. Firm action now can effectively discourage other Englishmen from taking to unseaworthy vessels, which will only lead to a further unnecessary and tragic loss of life…

Recommendation on applications for asylum: DENY.